Day 14...Today was a very hard day

Just a little emotional hormonal breakdown. I am so tired of people telling me another two weeks, another two weeks. So, James is having trouble coordinating his suck and swallow, because of the high frequecy of the respirators and nitric oxide he was on for so long. So, they mentioned this in the beginning, however it is just another block in the road before he can come home. So, today was fustrating and difficult, but I was proud of myself for holding it together while at the hospital, but fell about on the way home. We worked on latching on and trying a bottle. The bottle made him gag, and he latched on, but he would get upset when he would have to swallow. So, I worked with two different people today at different times to work on his suck and swallow, however both said, "He was such a sick little boy, that it will take time for him to learn how to suck and swallow together." He really is trying, but just can't focus after swallowing and repeat that process one after another. He was so upset and tired after trying all day, he was really fussy and crying when I would put him down. He did not want me to leave, I think. I tried three different times to put him down when he was asleep and as soon as I did he started crying and even threw up on himself because he was so upset, so there was no way I could leave him. I wanted until he calmed down and then was able to lay him on his tummy, he likes that best. Then I could leave. I HATE leaving him, it is getting so hard, and I WANT my baby home so bad. I was thinking, and I have practily lived in the hospital the entire month of September, I was admitted on the 2nd and he probaly will be there the rest of the month. Continue to keep him in your prayers that he will learn to eat. Thanks! Oh, I cannot remember if I ever said how much he weighed, but he is 7lbs 1 ounce now versus 7lbs 6 ounces when he was born.